8 Ways You’re Unknowingly Sabotaging Your Relationships
Mistake #1: Leaving the Romance Out of the Weather Report
Okay, grab a hanky–or 14–and watch this video from StoryCorps about an extraordinary 27-year-marriage that ended in terminal cancer. The takeaway, in case you didn’t watch it, or missed it as you collapsed into a puddle, is that Danny wrote Annie a love letter every day. Every single day. His love letters were simple notes. He calls them “romantic weather reports.” “To my princess: The weather out today is extremely rainy… ” begins one of them. You know you’re going to talk about the weather. There’s nothing wrong with that. Or there doesn’t have to be anyway. Not when the weather is relayed in the language of love.
Mistake #2: Having Your Heart-to-Hearts on the Side
You know who really understands what you’re going through? Your best girlfriend, who happens to also be a much-decorated First Date Veteran, or else is also married to a workaholic, or is in whatever relevant way your romance doppelganger. She is the only one who will be endlessly interested in your love-life minutiae, the one who is always on your side. Not like that confounded husband/partner/love interest of yours! But here’s the thing: Once you’ve hashed out all the details with her, you’ve still got your problem, which was never really with her but with him, who was, of course, not invited to girls’ night. Use the girlfriend chat as your dress rehearsal, if you must, but save the real heart-to-hearts for your partner. You know, the romantic one.
Mistake #3: Believing in the 15-Year Immunity
We’ve all heard of the Seven-Year Itch, but equally treacherous is a belief in the 15-Year Immunity. Just because you’ve been together for a long time doesn’t mean you’re beyond trouble. Maybe things aren’t going so well and you tell yourself it’s just a rough patch–once this stress is past and that issue resolved, your relationship is destined to return to greener pastures. This rough patch isn’t Real Life, is it? Long relationships aren’t always pleasant, right? Besides, you’ve been together forever. But if you want to hit the 50-Year Jubilation, you’ve got to overcome your belief in the 15-Year Immunity and dive in and fix what’s not working.
Mistake #4: Staying Senselessly Shy in Bed
Be reserved when meeting someone’s parents or going to church. Not in bed. Never in bed.
Read more: Original Story