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Dear Gay Best Friend,
I have a 17-month old son, who of course is curious and gets into things like toddlers do, and my husband, who I’ve been married to for 7 months, yells at him.
My son likes following him around the house, and he yells at him for that. One time my son was touching my husband, and he told him you’re not my son get off me. That hurt my feelings because my toddler didn’t know what he was saying and he kept trying to touch him until I picked him up.
My husband has 3 kids, two boys with one woman, and a daughter with another woman. He talks more about her than his sons, but he doesn’t see his kids because the mother of the boys refuse to let him, even though he pays child support, and the mother of daughter he can’t see because she moved to another state. He doesn’t pay child support. Is he feeling resentment toward my toddler because he is not his by blood? Also, he continues to keep hoping that I’m pregnant with his child, which I don’t want any more children. I have two boys from a previous relationship. I’m pretty much doing it alone. It’s hard, and he honestly can’t afford another kid himself. – Don’t Know What To Do
Dear Ms. Don’t Know What To Do,
Where do you people meet? Really, where do you people meet? Is there a farm, or some backwoods communal meeting that’s held once a month that we are not privy to know about?
Your husband has three kids, two with one woman, and one with another. He doesn’t see his children, and is not actively involved in their lives. It doesn’t take much to get to where they are. He can drive to see his sons on the weekends, or have them come to your house for the weekend. He can travel two or three times out of the year to visit his daughter, or he can make some arrangements with the mother to pay half on a ticket so that she can come and visit him. But, he doesn’t. And, with that information, and before you married him you should have sat, observed, and made a mental note. “This man is not actively involved in his own kids lives, then, how will he be with my kids? How is he going to treat them, and how can he possibly take care of me and my kids when he has three kids he needs to be supporting financially”
That last sentence should have been the determining factor of why you should NOT have married him. He has three kids he is not taking care of by being active in their lives, thus, he cannot financially support you, nor can he be there for you emotionally or mentally. Never should have married him (In my Marvin Sapp voice).
The fact that he is yelling at a 17-month old toddler, and telling him that he is not his son, uhm, after you picked up your son, you should have picked up your husband’s face after you knocked him in it with a black wrought-iron skillet. It’s clear that he has no parental skills whatsoever. He doesn’t know anything about raising a child, or being a father. You don’t speak to a toddler like that and say hurtful and awful things like that. He’s an asshole!
Why are you two still married? Why is he still in the home? If he is speaking with the child in this manner, and being spiteful, and hurtful with him, then how does he speak with you? And, how does he treat your other child? Also, if he is speaking to him like this at 17-months old, just imagine what he is going to say to him as he grows up, and becomes a teenager. Imagine how he is going to treat him as he grows up, and becomes a teenager. I wouldn’t be shocked to read or see your child on the news sometime in the future for going upside your husband’s head for the way he treats him.
Your child did nothing to deserve to be treated like this. He doesn’t deserve to be yelled at, or scolded, or told, “You’re not my son!” He’s a baby, and I’m certain, as children are very perceptive, when someone is being cruel, mean, and hurtful to them then they feel unwanted, unloved, and can become depressed, or do other things to seek out attention. By the way, your husband has been treating your son like this before you got married. Why didn’t you observe the signs then?
And, then, he’s trying to have another child with you??!!! I can’t, girl. I really can’t. There is no way that you two should be bringing another child into this mix. What for? So, that he can abandon you, and not be active in this child’s life? So, he can treat that child like he does his other children. Ma’am, when people show you who they are please, please, please believe them. He has shown you who he is. Why are you sticking around? What are you hoping will change with this man? Nothing is going to change. Nothing different is going to happen. Get out, and move on. Get out before he starts talking to you crazy and yelling at you. Get out before the yelling turns into pushing, and then shoving, and eventually hitting. GET OUT NOW! – Straight From Your Gay Best Friend