By Tanya Edwards, Glamour magazine
So you’re dating a guy, let’s call him Smeorge Shlooney, and everything is going great—except for one teeny, tiny, little hiccup: You’re not always sure he’s 100 percent over his ex. Before you get all paranoid on Smeorgey, consult our he’s-so-not-over-her warning signs. And remember: Every relationship is different, so make sure to talk things over with your man before making any major relationship changes.
1. You Know He’s Not Over His Ex When…He’s Her Dog-Sitter
Your man ended his previous relationship months ago, but it seems like every time you call him, he’s out walking his ex-girlfriend’s dog. Should you freak out? Not necessarily. If they were together for a long time or they got the dog together, he might not miss her—he might miss the dog. But if she got the pup after they broke up, it could be a move on his part to get out of the doghouse with her.
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2. You Know He’s Not Over His Ex When…They Text Constantly
Your man is always checking his phone, and he’s always getting texts from her. A pattern of hiding them from you or refusing to share what’s in them may leave you wondering if something’s up. And maybe—just maybe—something is.
3. You Know He’s Not Over His Ex When…He Organizes Her Birthday Party
There’s a big difference between wishing an ex happy birthday on Facebook and planning her big b-day fete. If they’re still friends, and he wants to attend, there’s probably no cause for concern (in fact, now’s a good time to ask him to take you with), but if he’s organizing the whole shebang, you may not be getting the full story.
4. You Know He’s Not Over His Ex When…They’re Going to a Wedding Together
You get it: The wedding is for mutual friends of your man, and his ex and he planned on going with her long before they broke up. Still, the thought of them traveling together, dancing together and potentially having one-too-many drinks together makes you nauseated. Our advice here is to tread lightly. Tell him your concerns, emphasizing that you trust him but that you would feel better about everything if he checked in every once in a while.
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5. You Know He’s Not Over His Ex When…He Trashes Her
While you don’t want him singing her praises, any guy who constantly trashes his ex is probably not over her. The opposite of love is indifference. He shouldn’t be wrapped up in hating her; he should be focusing on you. Besides, if he’s OK talking about her that way, what’s to say he won’t do the same to you?
6. You Know He’s Not Over His Ex When…He’s Her Handyman
She has a flat, he rushes to fix it. Her sink clogs, he runs over with Drano. On one hand, these are nice-guy things to do. On the other, at what point is this not his job anymore? If she broke it off with him, you may want to gently point out he’s being taken advantage of. If he split with her, is this something he’s doing out of guilt? Ask to come along. His response will tell you exactly what you need to know.
7. You Know He’s Not Over His Ex When…He Calls Her With Big News
When a couple dates for a while, it’s normal for them to become close to each other’s family and friends. So it may have seemed natural for him to call his ex when he found out, for instance, he was going to be an uncle. Yeah, it’s a little weird, but as long as he told you about it first, you may want to let it go. If she got the call before you did, that’s another story.
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8. You Know He’s Not Over His Ex When…He Still Has Photos
No one wants to see a picture of her guy with another girl. Are these photos hanging in his living room, or are they stuck in a box in his closet? If he’s checking them out a lot or they’re on display, he’s sending you a message loud and clear that he is still thinking about her.
9. You Know He’s Not Over His Ex When…He’s Not Happy She’s Dating Someone Else
She’s moved on—you know because you checked her Facebook status and she’s in a relationship with someone new. He’s checked too, and he doesn’t like it. If he keeps bringing it up, ask him why it bothers him so much.
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10. You Know He’s Not Over His Ex When…You Feel Like You’re Competing With Her
We’ve all felt like we’re competing with an ex. Let’s just say you’ve checked out her Facebook page only to find out she’s kind of hot and has a great career and really good beachy hair. You’re allowed to hate her a little bit for this. But if he makes you feel like you don’t compare, not only is he not over her, he’s a jerk.